The holidays often bring a mix of sparkling lights, joyful music, and picture-perfect family moments—at least, that’s how it looks from the outside.
For many of my clients, the holidays tend to shine a spotlight on the cracks in their marriage.
Many of the pictures feel like forced smiles and behind the camera lens many silently carry the weight of emotional disconnection, longing for something more real, more honest.
Your marriage might look like a beautifully wrapped gift, but inside, it’s empty—no warmth, no connection.
Instead it’s the exhaustion of upholding a story that no longer feels true to who you are.
When your relationship is strained, the holiday season becomes a delicate balancing act:
Smiling when all you want to do is take time out for you.
Pretending closeness when you really feel miles apart.
Creating magical moments for your kids while you feel alone.
The Weight of Emotional Disconnection
Staying in a relationship that feels emotionally draining doesn’t just hurt—it changes you. Ongoing disconnection can lead to persistent stress, impacting both your mental and physical health. Your body reacts to emotional uncertainty as if it were a physical threat, flooding you with cortisol and leaving your nervous system on high alert.
Before you make any big decisions, find time to truly connect with yourself.
Give to Yourself by starting a daily meditation or breathwork practice.
Reconnect the parts of you that have been left behind in the busy-ness of life.
Gather support by reaching out to a coach, therapist, who can ask some questions that will supportive regenerative change. Notice I didn’t say vent to a friend, who can often simply take your side, because she loves you, yet might deepen the story of blame and hurt within your relationship.
Feel what’s true for you, give attention to your emotions to surface, to be met with compassion and tenderness. These small steps may seem simple, but they can be profoundly powerful.
Invitation to Choose Yourself
The holiday season doesn't have to be an emotional minefield. It can be an invitation—to deeper self-understanding, to honoring your authentic experience, to recognizing that your healing matters more than maintaining a facade.
This time of year invites us to look honestly at your relationship and choose yourself—not from a place of blame or drastic decisions. It’s about gently moving toward what your heart truly needs.
And sometimes, the greatest gift you can give yourself is radical, compassionate honesty. The end of the year is a natural time of reflection, give that gift to yourself.
Here's a guide that may support you, Turn Conflict Into Connection. A Step-by-Step Guide for Couples.
Over the years, clients have asked for a way to bring the insights from our work into everyday conversations, helping them navigate tough moments with more ease and understanding.
Now you can download this communication guide to transform recurring arguments into opportunities for deeper connections. Buy and download it here.
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