Imagine your relationship as a dynamic workshop, in real time, where triggers are the catalysts for valuable insights and lessons.
These triggers, serving as your guides, uncover hidden hurts that allow you to nurture the core aspects of yourself, ultimately leading to personal growth and a more profound, well-deserved love.
It took me years to realize that the more you dwell on their flaws and what’s not working, the more challenges and hurdles you’ll encounter.
Every time you look at your partner and you feel “you deserve better”
You ignore all the ways in which he/she is a perfect fit for your own unconscious patterns of relating…
And until you heal those, you are destined to find yourself in the exact same spot.
With the exact same doubts, similar themes with the problems with all your future partners.
You will live the same story with different characters until you realize that it’s you (the author) who needs to write a new narrative.
As you uncover those hidden family dynamics and their role in your relationship, you’ll start seeing things in a whole new way… I can promise you that.
You’ll also find that clearing these patterns can be quicker than traditional couple therapy.
We all carry these deep, repetitive relationship patterns, often inherited from our families, that can obscure the genuine issues within our long-term relationships.
Those constant disagreements, emotional distance, and fading passion are just symptoms of the underlying marital challenges.
I’ve been connected to the world of separation and divorce for 17 years, originally due to my personal situation, then as a systemic therapist focusing on restoring relationships. I created the program that I wish I had had access to when I learned about my ex-husband’s affair. The affair was like a symptom of all that lived between us – the resentments, the broken promises, how we had disengaged from each other and all the hidden anger. The affair was the breaking point that we could not go on like we had been.
I have many clients and friends who have made it to the other side of an affair, with a stronger, more solid connection with their partner. But that wasn’t my personal experience. The deep pain I experienced had me seeking approaches that would help me explore what had contributed to the end of my marriage. By doing that, I discovered just how much our family influences how we bond in relationships and how we navigate separations. I was able to understand that so much of what happened in my marriage, wasn’t all personal. There were greater influences behind both of us, that shaped our relationship.
Over 80% of repetitive conflicts between a couple come from the family we grew up in. Each of us brings along the behaviors and feelings of our early experiences. Unless we do our inner work, the cycle unconsciously continues.
Well before our break-up, I remember a crossroads in our relationship when I asked my therapist “Why does it always seem like I’m the one doing all the work?”
Her response cut straight to it: “Because you’re the one with a desire for something different.”
What I’ve come to realize is that it only takes one person in a relationship to spark a change and shift the dynamic.
There are times after completing this program that the best movement is towards repair to live with more understanding in the relationship. Finding solutions to make space for a new spark of connection in your relationships.
And sometimes you discover the crystal clear clarity that you are ready to move on to what is next.
Either way, you can step out of the messy middle and stand strong in the alignment of what is right for you.
“I just finished the online group with Johanna and it was beyond my expectations. The information I learned about myself is life-changing and I am forever grateful for being a part of this wonderful group. Johanna’s gentle spirit made the whole process feel great. This is the deep work I needed to unfold family patterns.“