Relationship Dynamics

Mom with a Great Need                                              

What events happened to your mother?

Child pushes mom away – doesn’t want to lose herself in her mom’s drama.  

When mom has a heavy feeling – blocks our own personal freedom.


Unconscious Seeking to be Taken Care of from Partner / Friends / Care Providers

Instead of going back to the source – taking love from her mom

Blocked her longing / desire to take from her mom


Where in your body, do you feel the longing for your mom?
To hold you, to take care of you, so that you can just let it all go?

Where in your body, would you like to feel this motherly, gentle love?

Expand into that place in her body – bring breath there.  

Mom doesn’t have close relationship to her Mom

Mom has a great need – Mom’s who look to children instead of to their own mother’s

That’s how much we give when our moms have a broken connection with their mom

{Child} for this I’m too small.  
My new way of loving you is to be here with myself,
inside my body, not out of it – over there with you.

{Mom} without my mom close to me, I wanted to be too close to you

Abusive Dad

Hurts what she loves the  most  – mom is more interested in kids / he feels isolated – not part of family / left out

Dad, I always took it personally.   I never looked behind the scenes.

No wonder you were distant.  No wonder you had rage. When I see the origin, I can release this.

Mom Rejects Dad

{Mom}   I judged your father & I pushed him out of you

Absent Father

Son feels like father – becomes surrogate for what Mom lost

Putting all her energy into her kids.
Crowded by mother’s expectations / needs.

Son can’t always feel inner sensations – find his true Y / N.

Gut feelings are where we live in our truth & authenticity.

It’s good for me when you see me as your father   –  Dad @ R shoulder

Taken Dad’s Place

Dad, I stood in your place.  I wasn’t allowed to have you.  
I had to emotionally take care of Mom.  That separated me from you.  
If I’m needed / expected to take care of her, of course I pushed you away.  
Please take me back as your son.

Dad, the truth is … I miss you.  
Can’t tell you that because I blame you so much for not being there.
Please turn my heart gentle towards you so I can be gentle with myself .


Alcoholic Parent

Parent’s pain was so deep that alcohol/drugs was the only thing that kept them here

{Parent} I know my drinking must have been terrible for you.  

It was never personal – it was about my past.  

When I see it continue, it just breaks my heart.  I see you now, ______.

{child} I’m sorry for being so distant.  I’d like to be closer.

I’m going to make that happen.

What would you like to take from your dad?

Whenever I’m being a good guy – I get that from you dad
That’s how I’ll stand with you now dad.

What We Reject, We Embody

One way of belonging to your family but I guarantee there is another way.

{Child} I understand … I accept her as she is the way it is & may always will be

The places she can go with me & the places she can’t

I didn’t understand it then but now I understand when I see all of this behind you, I see it ____yrs late, but I’ll take it. I’ll honor you by …..

How I carry YOU in ME

Some of my family’s history is hard & it’s hard in me

Some of my experiences are great & its great in me

What place are you standing in when you make your life’s decisions?

Working from an integrated place – life has a bigger landing strip

It’s not the issue – it’s often how we are still holding onto it

Unconscious Loyalty
Good girls team – not free to hear or receive husband for himself
Instead through the lens mom hears / sees dad

Ancestral Alarm Clock – M&D divorce – kids 10 & 12 or age 42

Unresolved Issues with Parents

playing that out within a couple (not marital issues)  
example:  Dad’s alcoholic – so is husband
Mom’s never there for you – marry A type / travelling husband

Didn’t receive enough time / attention from mom or dad live with the Sense of Never Enough ~ Time, Money or Love